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For years I believed that winter was one of my favorite seasons. I love the holidays, the comfort foods, warm sweaters, hot beverages and everything that is associated with these colder months of the year. I especially enjoy the snow days, but what teacher doesn't love a good snow day...or two...or three? Yet, what I've come to realize is that I'm really not as "in love" with winter as I once believed. I'm "in love" with the things of winter, but not the season itself. I actually hate being cold! I can't stand the dreariness of the long, dark days. I long for the warmth of the sun, and the days where I can just leave the house without bundling up like Ralphie's little brother in "A Christmas Story." What I also realized is that I don't like the winters of life; the times where everything is going wrong and nothing turns out as planned. Nope...I can't stand these either, but I know that they are a necessary part of growing as a person. As a believer.
The last year has been a rough one for my family. No doubt about it. We were not only in the coldest winter ever (shout out to Sistah Souljah) but a tundra-like season. Maybe you can relate or maybe not, but I think that everyone experiences a time in his or her life where they are unsure of the next move or the next step. It's a dark place. It's a lonely place, especially when so much depends on every decision you make. I don't like winter, my love affair with all things winter has officially ended. Yet, what I can appreciate about the winters of my life are the lessons I've learned on the way to becoming the person, the woman, the wife, the mother, the daughter, the sister that God has destined me to be.
"In the depths of winter I finally learned there was in me an invincible summer." ~Albert Camus
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“I am deliberate and afraid of nothing.” ~Audre Lorde Recently someone on my Instagram timeline shared this quote by Audre Lorde, and I couldn't help but feel empowered. To be intentional about everything and fearless is the epitome of #BlackGirlMagic, right? Yet, as much as I wanted to snap a screenshot and make this post my newest wallpaper something inside of me wouldn’t allow me to fully embrace such a bold statement. Why not? Am I not a queen? I believe that I am. I claim that I am when I’m belting out a Beyonce, Rihanna or Jill Scott song in my car. Yet, I am also very much aware that queens often times wear more than crowns. Queens, like me, are in fact fearful when it comes to the assurance of knowing that our Black men and boys will live out the days of their lives. Queens, like me, only breathe a little more easier when our sons text at the end of the day just to say, “Mom, I’m home.” Queens, like me, know that love...black love...is put to the test
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